I feel sorry for poor little old Chardonnay. Now days it seems is like the little old battler that just can't seem to catch a break. Very few of today's youth would know the true story of Chardonnay. It is a harrowing tale of the rise of an international superstar who found fame and fortune from Hollywood to London, but then lost everything and became a laughing stock that filled the worst dressed pages of trashy magazines. I truly believe that it is not all over for Chardonnay and hope you will have the compassion in your heart to hear his story.
Once upon a time in a little town called Burgundy in France there was a young boy with white blonde hair named Chardonnay. During the winter he spent his days hanging out skiing in the cool climate with his family. During the spring and summer time the landscape around turned into a lush green.
He spent much of his time hanging around the grape vines which situated themselves amongst the peach and apricot trees. The likeness to his trim and elegant mother was remarkable. He was a very polite boy with a crisp wit that always left his parents guests wanting more.
His father was a delightful chap of undeniable pedigree. He always told young chardonnay that there were two types of men that came from Burgundy, 'the zesty and crisp free spirit' and 'the rich and heavy set, strong as oak type'. Little chardonnay didn't really care for the story though for he dreamed of making it as a celebrity in Hollywood. It wasn't until years later that he would understand the value of tradition.
In the early 80's Chardonnay was a young man and set of to America to achieve his dreams. His long flowing locks had darkened to a glimmering straw blonde were the envy of the Californian bottle blondes. His smooth French accent made women and men alike swoon. Throughout the 80’s his celebrity rose quickly and he was a regular star at all the coolest parties, newest restaurants and hippest bars. Everything he had wanted was achieved in such a short time, it was a dream come true.
The invitations kept flooding in and poor little Chardonnay couldn't keep up with the demand. In an attempt to keep his adoring public happy he made a fatal mistake. Chardie knew that he couldn't keep up the appearances, but that most of the time his fans didn't really know him anyway. He thought that maybe if he could simply replicate himself he would be able to maintain and continually build his fame. He decided to recruit a bunch of slick young men. They grew their hair and dressed in the same clothes and before long they looked just like him. Every invitation he received, he would send one of his well-dressed clones.
Initially people didn't notice. They would say hello at the parties and greet the celebrity, wave and show their appreciation. However there began to be some instances where poorly brought up imposters were rude to guests, scream acidic threats or were just plain unpleasant. Chardonnay's reputation fell away in tatters and he got fat and lazy. There was a huge backlash and the once rising star was diminished in the same lightning flash as Tom Cruise when he famously jumped on Oprah's couch.
No one in Hollywood wanted him any longer. His fat, lazy and rude impostors had destroyed his career. Desolate and desperate he returned to France to the bedside of his father in old age. The dying old man whispered to his only boy 'Remember who you are son, don't let anyone take your tradition away from you' and with that he took his last breath.
For the first time Chardonnay realised what he had done. He had shot to fame so quickly and was not able to cater to the demand of his rising celebrity. In an attempt to please everybody he tried to be all things to all people and somewhere along the way lost himself. He made a commitment to himself that day that he would restore the great name of his father and Chardonnay. 'Finally' he thought to himself, 'this is my chance, this new generation... they will know the greatness of Chardonnay!'
He asked me personally to tell this story for him in the hope that you might take pity. Take in a story of fame and fortune to utter failure. Please learn from his mistakes and be willing to forgive. Have faith, he is going to prove himself to us, just you wait and see.
My final request before finishing this blog is a simple one. Next time you look at a wine list give old Chardonnay a glance. One little nod of appreciation could start a revolution.
Along the grapevine – I heard a rumor that Lisa McGuigan is bringing out a new label. There might even be a sexy reinvigorated Chardie on the cards…
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